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 |
|
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| Trust |
|
Lack trust;
jealousy may be present |
 |
| Honesty, spontaneity |
|
Abuser only
sees what he/she wants to see, deceives the partner and self. |
|
| Openness |
|
Closed, private,
unwilling to share anything about one's own thoughts, wants and emotions |
|
| Understanding |
|
No effort is
made to become aware of the significant other's needs, feelings, wants |
|
| Flexibility/compromise |
|
Inflexible;
compromise occurs only when abuser's demands are met, or during the
honeymoon phase |
|
| Clear boundaries |
|
Unclear, diffuse
boundaries, as if both partners are one; victim sacrifices all identity
and individuality |
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| Growth |
|
Stagnation;
intimacy becomes a routine chore. |
|
| Acceptance
of self, partner and relationship |
|
Little or no
acceptance of self, partner or relationship |
|
| Respect |
|
Belief that
one partner is godlike while other is worthless; respect demanded
by abuser but abuser gives none in return |
|
| Intimacy, spirituality |
|
No warm feelings;
intimacy is like a chore; fear is present; force may be used |
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| Commitment
is an active choice |
|
Both partners
are committed only to one person's needs; victim feels trapped |
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| Space |
|
Victim is expected
to spend all free time with abuser; may give up friends, family, school,
job; victim feels isolated |
|
| Individuality |
|
Differences not respected
and growth not fostered |
|
| Affirmations |
|
Given only when victim
gives in to demands or during honeymoon
phase |
|
| Equality/shared power |
|
A one-up, on-down situation;
force and coercion are used. Physical, psychological and sexual violence
may occur. |
|
| Risks taken by both parties |
|
Victim afraid to express
emotions, wants or needs for fear of further abuse. |
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